- Me: Apparently there's a bug that drills its dick into the female because she doesn't have a vagina.
- Me: I'm glad you don't do that.
- Julian: Yet. I'm saving my drill-penis for marriage.
Siah asked us what color would be the most comfortable.
Then a little later he leaned his head back, closed his eyes, and said, “I wish blue raspberries were a real fruit.”
- Tanner: Julian, if you want to be the best roomate that ever was, you could make me 6 chicken nuggets.
- Julian: Can I make 8 and eat 2?
- Tanner: You can make 10 and I can eat 4.
- Julian: How many do you want me to make?
- Tanner: (lifts up shirt) Look at this... and measure how many nuggets would fit in it.
“Tanner, on a scale of one to yelling-at-firemen, where are you at right now?” —Julian
I'm watching Julian play The Last Of Us online.
- Me: Those are pretty flowers, you should pick some.
- Julian: No.
- Me: Can you?
- Julian: No.
- Me: That's dumb.
- Julian: Go away. You're ruining it.
“I don’t need all ten toes to do things to your nipples.” —My mom
When i was younger, I used to think that boogers were chunks of my brain and I thought that every time I picked out a booger, I would get dumber.
One time my friend told me that she dyed her hair red using period blood she collected over a few months and so I bought a DivaCup and collected my period blood for a few months and tried dying my hair with it and yeah it doesn't work. Turns out she used ManicPanic...